Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
