Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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