So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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