it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
