xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
