Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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