We're facebook friends in real life
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
