i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
