The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
