I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
