I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
