I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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