I just saw a hot homeless man
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
