I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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