I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
