I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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