I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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