You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.