she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.