just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions