she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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