It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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