Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
