the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
