theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
