pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
