i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How external is "for external use only"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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