Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
