You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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