.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
