matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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