Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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