i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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