Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
