idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
