What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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