I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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