May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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