just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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