She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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