Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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(760): View more from California

i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now

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(518): View more from New York

i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...

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(989): View more from Michigan

I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?

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