evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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