shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
