Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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