i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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