Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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