oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
