I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
