I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
