Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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