I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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