so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
