I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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