I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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