My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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