And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
