Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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