she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
