Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't make out with my wife yet
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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