Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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