3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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